Hitler's "Secret Weapon" Revealed!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Gay Reichs
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Pastor Lively here definitely seems like an unbiased researched on this subject. HOW DID WE NOT FIGURE THIS OUT SOONER?? The wars in Iraq and Afganistan would have been over YEARS ago, all we had to do was send Rupaul, Joey Fatone, Ellen Degeneres, Johnny Weir, and that clan of Queer Eye for the Straight Man guys... War would've been over years ago and they would have fashionista-ed the shit out of those fatigues.

"Between Two Ferns"

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

I'm a big Zach Galapagos fan... This schtick is good, but let's not pretend that it is not just a minor alteration to a Chris Farley original idea (see below)...

Shalom!

http://www.jpost.com/Israel/Article.aspx?ID=182914

Amar'e returning to his roots... Yep, he is visiting "the motherland" Israel. He's “so excited to be here,see all the important historical sites, learn Hebrew and to get a better understanding of my heritage."... He went on to say “I don’t really consider myself to be a religious person, but rather a deeply spiritual individual... I have been aware since my youth that I am a Hebrew through my mother, and that is something that has played a subtle but important role in my development."

Two things: he is definitely the tallest Jewish person, right?... and he definitely has to use a king size bed sheet for the sheet he has to cut a hole in for sex...

According to "Inception" star, Tom Hardy, All Actors Have Had Themselves Some Gay Sex

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1298384/Inception-hunk-Tom-Hardy-admits-Ive-sexual-relations-men.html#ixzz0v021WfTI

Via Dailymail- Hollywood heart-throb Tom Hardy has revealed he had a string of gay flings as a teenager.

The 32-year-old Inception star, who is engaged to British actress Charlotte Riley, 28, and also has a two-year-old son with a former girlfriend

But asked if he'd ever had any sexual relations with other men, the broody actor said: 'As a boy? Of course I have. I'm an actor for ****'s sake.

'I've played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I'm in my thirties, it doesn't do it for me.

'I'm done experimenting but there's plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life.

'A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine.'

Not that there's anything wrong with that... This is one of the Hardy boys right?... Not going to lie, I read the Hardy Boy books, those dudes were definitely playing tummy sticks off screen... In case Charlotte is having some doubts on the marriage to be, and fathoming trying to share a shoe closet with this dude.

Dear Charlotte,

Hey. How are you? I am well. I saw that piece in the Dailymail about Tommyboy, times is tough. Just reaching out to say "what's up", 'cause baby, baby, baby you know that you're meant to be with me and, unlike Tommy, I do not "definitely have feminine qualities" and I do not need "incredibily masculine" gay men in my life... You have my beeper number, hit it up.

XOXO
-Wingy

Touche, Salesman

This is not a political post, but this shirt is funny.

What A Waste

What a waste, indeed. His mother always thought he would have been a great proctologist.

Funny Girl on Letterman

This is Kristen Schaal... I'm a fan, got me to C.O.L, or to the layperson, "Chuckle Out Loud"... Letterman hasn't had an original laugh in years, so she her appearance is a bright spot... Her and I would have some fun getting kicked out of area Applebees' and confusing the shit out of gullable people... But she has to be Andy Kaufman's daughter, right?... (Side Note: her description of working at FAO Schwartz is the life Melon lives everyday)

Andy Kaufman on The Dating Game - More amazing videos are a click away

100 Hottest Girls From NJ?

Vera Femiga #1

Anne Hathaway #100

BroBible posted a list of the hottest girls from New Jersey and stated where they were from, or their "Jersey Connection," and their claim to fame. The girls were numbered one through 100 with Vera Farmiga in the number one spot and Anne Hathaway coming in at 100. I certainly hope that these numbers are not an actual ranking because the other 98 girls in this list were actresses, models, video vixens, adult film stars, and even a hooker (Ashley Dupree). who is BroBible kidding here? this 100 hottest girls list could have been narrowed down to 10 or even stretching it to 25. defiantly not 100. and for the record, just because you are willing to have sex on camera for money, that does not automatically make you hot.

Danielle Staub #77

And on what planet is Danielle Staub from Real Housewives of New Jersey considered hot or famous? She looks like a character from a Tim Burton movie.

Your BFF from the Internet, Me, Needs Your Help

Once upon a time, there was a real estate agent in New Jersey named Jimmy Maul (RIP). Jimmy was a veteran of the biz, and well-respected by any and all. Jimmy had gained my respect because not only did he wear an eye-patch but he also had the slogin "Keeping an Eye on Real Estate for You"... I CANNOT find a picture of this man on the internet, despite the fact that it was all over the place back in the day. I need your assistance in finding this man's picture (email: lowfivesemail@gmail.com).

'the fuck good is the internet if you cannot find a picture of a deceased real estate agent named similar to "Mawl" who wore an eye patch and took a personal cheapshot at himself stating he was "Keeping an Eye on Real Estate for You".... Am I right or am I right?... Anyway, he did pass away a while back, I guess the bear who mawled his eye finally got the rest of him...

Ass-Zebra?, Zebra-ass?, Donkeybra?, Zebrakey?... Ohhh, "Zedonk"

A four-day-old Zedonk, a rare cross between a zebra and a donkey, stands next to her mother at the Chestatee Wildlife Preserve in Lumpkin County, Georgia, July 26, 2010. The director of the preserve says it is the first time in 40 years that a zedonk has been born there.

So this brings up a key point... Cool because it's half Zebra, or lame because it is half Donkey?... Either way, "Zedonk" is going to be wearing jeans throughout high school or it's going to get made fun of non-stop.

100% guarantee that this was posted here before you saw it posted anywhere else.

If This Marriage Doesn't Last, No Marriage Will

My Cent and a 1/2: T.O. Signing with the Bengals

http://espn.go.com/blog/afcnorth/post/_/id/15083/five-reasons-why-t-o-will-work-in-cincy

@terrrellowens: Ocho Uno is coming 2 town!! Hey Robin, Batman will b there soon!


I don't really know if this Batman & Robin shit is going to work... but lets assume it will so that I can play this song...


Bill Withers - Just The Two Of Us
Uploaded by papafonk. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

Post Script- Get me that button-down shirt and a matching enormous knotted tie, ASAP.

Post Post Script- If you don't think that I will be listening to this song on repeat all day, you're fucking crazy.

Lets Get a Little Bit Rowdy! R-O-W... D-Y!!!

So a 16 year old cheerleader took down a would be shop lifter in the mall. that's what he gets right? everyone know that the malls are cheerleader's turf. he should stick to grocery stores and gas stations. and if he's the kind of guy that can get slammed to the ground by a cheerleader then maybe a life of crime isn't his calling. he should stick to less confrontational criminal activity such as computer fraud or simply ripping tags off of mattresses. good thing she wasn't thinking though, right? imagine if she could have processed what was going on...

Its a Walk Off, People

Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson

VS.

Terrell "T.O." Owens

CHILD PLEASE! The Bengals have agreed to a contract with former 49ers/Eagles/Cowboys/Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens. Too bad "the greatest show on turf" is taken because with T.O. and Ochocino lined up opposite of each other, this season in Cincinnati should be comedic. I just wonder who's gonna kiss the baby first.

Is America's Past Time turning in to Futbal?

In a season of freak baseball injuries, Florida Marlins outfield, Chris Coghlan became the latest tragedy. During a post game interview of his Marlins teammate Wes Helms, who's Tony Gwynn-esq single drove in the winning run, Coghlan attempted to victimize Helms with the traditional face-pie. However the tables were turned when Coghlan was the one who fell victim, while attempting the ageless prank, Coghlan tore the meniscus in his left knee and landed himself on the DL.

This isn't the first bazaar injury this season, we all remember Mat Latos and the aborted sneeze that landed him on the DL.

And who could forget Kendry Morales whose walk off homer celebration walked him right on to the DL with a broken leg

guess who's back.....

According to her Twitter @chicky, Amanda Bynes is officially coming out of retirement. Wait, when did Amanda officially retire? you mean that last twitter post she made about retiring from acting? that was for real? people use twitter for official business? I thought it was for creeping up with the Kardashians and following semi famous athletes. Well I for one am happy she came to her senses. Welcome back @chicky.

Three Reasons to Start Watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Tribute to Nolan Ryan

Last night's No-hitter reminded me of my favorite pitcher of all time... Nolan Ryan could throw heat, and dominate the plate... He is over 45 years old in this video, beating the shit out of a charging 25 year old Robin Ventura's head/face... Not even Robin's Mom could've been upset about this one, you don't fuck with crafty old men...

Children of the Corn Celebrate Soccer Goal

Touche Soccer, Touche.

Couple Dudes Playing Basketball and a Soccer Fight Broke Out

Stay tuned, in the second half they play tummy sticks..

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time: Handicappable Cat

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time	Tuesday, October 12
Preview - Wheelchair Cat
http://www.comedycentral.com/
Futurama New Episodes It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Russell Simmons Stand-Up Comedy

'The Fuck are the Kings of Leon?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20405066,00.html


Let me start this off by saying, I have no freaking idea who these boys are besides that they had a concert... Three songs in, a pidgeon poops in the dude with the swoops mouth and they call off the rest of the concert due to concerns about the boys' safety?... Fear for the boys' safety? Were they worried that a flock had homed in on the band out of anger for them stealing the Flock of Seagulls hairstyles?... And who the hell admits to a bird pooping in your mouth? You just chalk that shit up as a loss and pretend it didn't happen, good luck finding a chick who wants to get sloppy seconds with you after a pidgeon already staked its claim.

Stallone used a stunt man in Rocky right?... He looks like I would imagine Rocky looking like right now, cause the dude couldn't hold his gloves up to protect his face ever but somehow could muster the strength to knock a dude out cold... Sly's face is slanted, his shirt/tie combo make him look like a epileptic who works at Fridays... Guess Dolph really fucked Sly's brain up, for real

You know what, I will have those Dumplings fried

THIS is China's fattest man... America wins again, see our dude below is fatter AND he can do a split... Checkmate China.

Mormon's getting creative at BYU

Yeah, if I had never had sex or a beer in my lifetime I would have probably invented a motorized coach too, so relax...

"Star"bury

I've heard some buzz on Starbury tearing it up in China... Here is the video of him playing in the CBA All Star game... Can we stop talking about him now?, This is an all star games and dudes are shooting lay-ups... I could take down some shrimp fried rice before the game and then an order of sesame chicken at half time and still drop a triple-double in this game, shooting white man hooks and lay-ups only.

"Darth Vader" Holds Up NYC Bank

http://www.asylum.com/2010/07/23/darth-vader-holds-up-a-chase-bank-on-long-island-new-york/


Don't look at me, he's not my father


Post Script- How is this dude NOT at Comic-Con right now?

Moving Day

Couple things here... Who gets the bright idea to rent a uhual and use more than half of the space in there to transport something that you could actually drive... And the dude yelling at the girl behind the wheel is definitely dating her right? Since usually you don't ask girl-friends to help you move. There is no way they're dating now though right? Because anyone who freaks out like that over some shitty honda is definitely the type of dude that hits chicks...

Top 10 reasons why golf is more fun to watch now that Tiger sucks

10) The PGA gets it's good name back
-With every tournament he fails to win, the stock of the PGA Tour, the last bastion of truthful, hard working, unselfish games in modern sports, will rise.

9) Caucasian Athletes of the world REJOICE!
-White guys finally have a chance to dominate a sport again

8) Take it easy there pottymouth...
-Now that he's hitting errant shots more regularly, he's going to curse, whine, and throw 4 yr old worthy temper tantrums more than ever.

7) Cha Ching!.....goes Elin's solid gold pocketbook
-There's talks within the tour to insert a cash register sound every time he makes a putt, to represent the 50% that he'll be paying his soon to be ex-wife

6) Is that a stack of pancakes on his hat?
-Given the $22 million he's lost in sponsorships since Thanksgiving, he'll probably agree to put a huge "Denny's" logo on his bag as long as he gets unlimited access to the waitresses.

5) Down, Down, Up, Right, Down, Square, R3, Zipper
-To keep young American males in his fan base, eventually he'll release the cheat code for TW PGA Tour 2011 which takes you from the golf course straight to a dirty motel room to bang a hooker like in the pre-ban version of GTA IV.

4) No one cares about who you are or what you do...
-TMZ can finally recess back into the oblivion of the sporting community and hopefully never again will a sportscenter connoisseur have to ask his buddy..."What the f*#k is TMZ?"

3) Sunday Conversations.....without all the PMS
-Seeing him suffer will aid men everywhere from having to deal with women being angry that they're on the couch all weekend watching golf.
Example:
Joe Schmo: "See that honey? He double bogeyed a par 3 because he cheated on his wife....I would never do that to you baby ""
Jane Schmo: "Aww I know sweetie, let me get some chips for you"
Joe Schmo: "Grab me a beer while your there?"

2) It's 217 to carry the ridge, I don't think 4 iron is enough, better give me the schlong
-One of these days, while intensely focusing on his approach shot to the green, he's gonna reach into the bag for an iron...and pull out a dildo. Bonus points if he takes a few practice swings with it before he bitches out Stevie for forgetting to remove his "15th club" from last nights soiree.

and finally...

The number one reason why golf is more fun to watch now that Tiger sucks:

1) Let's go over to Gary McCord whose with Tiger at 16 and GOOD GOD look at the mountain ranges behind that green!
-Given he's single again, the T&A talent looking to land a scandal at each PGA Tour stop will be better than ever...and sure to catch the lens of many a cameraman, for your viewing pleasure.

Times have changed

Do you ever go back and look at shit from when you were growing up? I was looking through some old stuff last night at my house, and I came across the middle school contact book that they handed out at the beginning of the year (basically a list of all the students and their phone numbers)... How outrageous is this photo on the cover? I did not draw this japanime shit, that's what they put on it... Is it just me or do this look like some angry asian version of the Fanz who's stalking this chick, scaring the shit out of her phone... He's blatantly aggressive and she is obviously checking the windows to make sure the Grease lightning dude isn't lurking... Second part of rant: There is no way they still do this in schools right? Kids are advanced enough nowadays they don't need to be encouraged with all this contact info, they already have sexting/bracelet prostitutes/dry humping... Back in my day we we're awkward as shit trying to dodge Dads over land lines, perfect the yawning-arm-around-the-shoulder-move, and even the one dude I knew who did have sex in middle school was playing that old school "just the tip" shit then freaked out and told me he was washing his dick off to prevent STDs for days.

Breaking News

Translation: You cannot go swimming after Chipotle... ever again.



Girls just wanna have fun.




Randolph here finally figured it out...

I guess her parents wanted a boy....

My answer to the quote posed through her name?... Yes, with an asterisk

Shit That's OK, because it's sports... Right?

I was thinking about it today and there are a ton of things we do at sporting events whether competing or just watching, that are really odd if done anywhere else in life... For example:

1. Peeing in sinks- You don't miss a beat if you see someone whipping it out to pee in a sink at the stadium, but if you saw that shit at work or worse, in your home. Limp-wristed fists would be flying.

2. Drinking adult beverages HEAVILY outdoors in public- Walking around the parking lot of a stadium drinking, you're fine... Walking around the parking lot of a McDonalds drinking, you're homeless.

3. Wearing another man's name on your back- For some reason this practice is acceptable for sports, but imagine wearing just some dudes name on your back... Pretty gay... not that there's anything wrong with that.

4. Grab Ass- You give a guy a slap/playfull cup of the ass during a game, no big deal. You walk around doing that shit in public (whether you know the guy or not), that shit's not going to fly.

5. Peeing in public- On the golf course, etc., having to drop trou to piss is standard. You go to drain the gecko while you're somewhere else in public, get used to seeing a big blue dot on your house when you google your address... Tier 1

6. Cursing- Calling a ref a mother fucker will get you a raised eyebrow in sports... Calling a cop a mother fucker in life will get you a baton upside the head.

7. Crying- If you just lost the big game and start crying, that dude is still generally accepted... If you just lost the big account at work and you are crying? You're done, maybe committed... Nobody is going to lunch with you every again, no playfull flirting with coworkers, you're that dude who fucking cried.

Do You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?

I do.While in the "library" doing some "paper work" I happened to be reading the latest issue of Maxim Magazine, which is what guys do. in the magazine was a brief interview with Dwayne, don't call me "The Rock," Johnson. His responses to Maxim's generic interview questions were funny and witty that they had me rethinking my not-for-profit, amature funny guy for hire, part time blogger life style.

When asked "How does Dwayne Johnson pick up a lady?" he fired back with (while giving the people's eyebrow, most likely), "I am direct and firm. I just walk right up, introduce myself, ask her what her name is , and then say, 'you look beautiful, and I'm the tongue-wrestling champion of the world. Would you like a shot at the title?' And generally the deal is sealed." Not the response one would expect from the star of films such as; The Game Plan, The Tooth Fairy, and Race to Witch Mountain.

Scotland, You Got Served

Although Scotland may have gotten the last laugh with the 18-8 victory.


As made customary by New Zealand's rugby team, the All Blacks, their national lacrosse team has been preforming the Haka before their international games in Manchester, England.

The Haka as described on New Zealand's website is;

Various actions are employed in the course of a performance, including facial contortions such as showing the whites of the eyes and the poking out of the tongue, and a wide variety of vigorous body actions such as slapping the hands against the body and stamping of the feet. As well as chanted words, a variety of cries and grunts are used. Haka may be understood as a kind of symphony in which the different parts of the body represent many instruments. The hands, arms, legs, feet, voice, eyes, tongue and the body as a whole combine to express courage, annoyance, joy or other feelings relevant to the purpose of the occasion.

Maybe you should leave this one to the rugby guys. once your game can back up the chanting then feel free to Haka all over the place. until then, leave it to these guys...

Those Sneaky Japanese

Leave it to the Japanese to the first team in the history of world games to pull off the hidden ball trick. At least this sneak attack helped lead to victory.

Windy City Blues

Apparently not everyone has caught the Bieber Fever and is as obsessed as I am. Not to worry, I've got you covered. Friday July 23, 2010, you can catch a show of a lifetime at the Chicago Theatre in lovely downtown Chicago as John Hall and Daryl Oates preform one night only.

I'm a Bielieber

Earlier this week I put up a post about Justin Bieber's Youtube page and how popular is was. After that, my interest was sparked. I kept playing his videos, made a Justin Beiber radio station on Pandora, and then today, I caved and purchased his CD. I mean, I would have just downloaded it, but that would be literally like taking candy from a baby.

Tardy to the Party

This may seem a little late but I just have to say that Eminem's new album Recovery is pretty serious. I picked up today while at the local shopping mall looking for my new Bieber CD, and I've been listening to it since; after I listened to Bieber that is. Plus there's something about the hook from the track "No Love" that is pure genius...

Oh Baby

After a nice dinner at Houlihan's tonight, the Mrs and I come home and immediately get on our respected computers. after about twenty minutes of being lost in the world wide web I stumbled across this video and lost my shit. It's just a shame I'm not allowed with in 200 yards of a Chuck E Cheese because kids are hilarious.

A Window into the Blogger Melon

Speaking of the movie, the Hangover... Within the past year I saw this movie sum up one of my friends in creating a character. The guy who you notice blogging the other posts, Melon, is a unique man in so, so many ways but let me list the ways in which Melon and Alan are almost identical:

1. Physique
2. Awkard waying of showing affection to animals
3. Superhuman power of growing facial hair
4. Lack of fashion sense (he would 100% wear a satchel if purchased for him by his lover, and consistenly wears running shoes with jeans and flip flops in non-beach/pool settings)
5. Not allowed within 200 yards of a Chuck E. Cheese or a school
6. He's a one-punch knockout
7. Bit of a loaner
8. Justin Bieber has a restraining order against both of them
9. Need to go to Vegas with him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il8aYGjDmzg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWXIelRxyRs

Man, Myth, Legend?

I like Drew Brees. Mainly because he blows off the shmucks who say he isn't a prototypical QB and just slings dimes all over the field. But when I came across this picture, I gained some serious respect for the man. The jury is still out on whether or not this is man-crush level, but if D Brees shows up with the same hair for his team photo and a serious crop duster of a mustache, then there will be no doubt.

Post Script- I'm convinced this picture was the sole inspiration for the character Phil in The Hangover. That actor dude was definitely running around the set saying "Does my hair look like Drew's?"

The Underwear Bandit

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE66L37020100722

Oklahoma (Reuters)- Woman robs McDonalds wearing underwear as mask- A woman wearing underwear on her head robbed an Oklahoma McDonald's fast food restaurant and remained at large as police sought to identify her, police said on Wednesday.

Couple questions coming out of this story. First, is it her underwear or someone elses? Is it new or used? Was she planning on using the money from this robbery to purchase a legit bandana to tie around her face for future robberies?... I don't even really think this story is that outrageously stupid. You know why? It's freaking Oklahoma... This chick was probably the chick that everyone cheated off of in school because she actually thought to cover her face while her Oklahomanian brethren would most likely stroll up with their gum smiles trying to pull off the finger-gun routine... I bet this chick was the lone hope for her people, she was probably their Robin Hood... Sad day.

This Shit is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

(http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/22/sports/22sportsbriefs-titleix.html?_r=1)

New York Times- Competitive cheerleading is not an official sport that colleges can use to meet gender-equity requirements, a federal judge ruled Wednesday in ordering Quinnipiac University to keep its women’s volleyball team. The parties in the case said it was the first time the issue had been decided by a judge.

Several volleyball players and their coach sued Quinnipiac, in Hamden, Conn., after it announced in March 2009 that it would eliminate the team for budgetary reasons and replace it with a competitive cheer squad.

So volleyball finally called cheerleading out for not being a real sport. Let's just say, I agree with their position. But before we start going all nuts here about women's volleyball, etc. Let's take a second to analyze the sport of Women's College Volleyball. In women's volleyball, the uniform says it all...


Personally, I am indeed a fan of the standard volleyball uniform. But let's not get ahead of ourselves saying that women's volleyball is some special aw inspiring sport. If the sport was something special then chicks wouldn't be dressed like this to grab attention/fans that they're not related to... Conclusion: Women's volleyball players are just more athletic/competive cheerleaders, they dress to draw attention, they have premeditated cheers and they put streamers in the hair.

Oh How the Tables Turn

So I am at the bar the other night and I have this woman start hitting on me. As you can assume she was a cougar (if you don't know what a cougar is stop playing with pogs and read a newspaper), so she starts in asking about me, what I do for work, etcetera, etcetera.. So I ask her what she does, and she responds "Lactation Consultant", which after a couple seconds of doing some math calculations on my abicus, I started to smile because I realized that meant she worked with boobs. Then my mind started to wonder and think about a man being a lactation consultant, and that's when that smile turned to a frown, working with chicks that I don't know who are more hormonally unstable then usual with some awkward remainder belly. And while on subject of boob-ular occupations, I couldn't do plastic surgery either (can't handle jamming bags of water through some chicks armpit).... Conclusion: I am only interested and boobs for pleasure, NOT for business... That is all

I'll take the cash, Bob

This marks the first time anyone wanted to take the cash over the car on the Price is Right. She don't need to be dealing with car-dwelling blonde gobblins, shit...

Let's Talk About Roasts

(Took this photo out of Melon's wallet)

So Comedy Central has been running roasts for some time now, usually roasting people who have done at least some "good work" along with a shit ton of straight to DVD videos, etc, but they have recently been stretching. Roasting David Hasselhoff perplexes me, he literally hasn't done any good work, if he was really on Baywatch then I didn't notice him since their were way too many other things for me to be looking at on screen, and you could have cast me in Knight Rider and it would have had same fanfare since the car was the show... If I was Hasselhoff's agent I wouldn't tell David I got the call for this roast. Seriously, how will anybody be able to say with a straight face at the end of berating him that "hey davie, you know I'm just kidding and we love ya"... can't say "oh well atleast you're not an alcoho... oops" or hey "at least you're a good father... oops"... He is a cult hero, he took down chicks and Germans love what he calls singing... If I'm the Hoff, I dwindle off into the sunset and hope some college idiot starts a website ala Chuck Norris, where people make oneliners about how many chick Hoff could take down...

It's Official: Aliens are right under our noses

So I am not a big alien movie guy, but I do understand some aspects in creating an alien movie. If you are going to have aliens pretending to be humans, they must have something different about them physically so the humans can realize that they're aliens. One easy way to hide the difference is to use something often overlooked one key aspect of human anatomy, the belly button. This photo proves my point that the crew of Jersey Shore are not human beings, "J-Woww" has NO BELLY BUTTON, and I am sure that the rest of the cast is missing this key human component as well. So unless the next season of Jersey Shore is being held at Area 51, that shit is done... Back to Real World, Road Rules Season 27

The Eagles need to pay Desean Jackson. To quote the late great Wayans family (I think they all died), he's gots to get "MO MONEY, MO MONEY, MO MONEY"... Yeah, so Desean ranked 12th in the NFL in receiving yards, the Eagles then traded Donovan McNabb. New QB K Kolb is stepping in on a team thats top two rushers last year combined for over 190 less yards than D Jackson accumulated receiving by himself. Assuming somebody doesn't give Andy Reid a lobotomy, it is safe to assume the Eagles are still going to pass the ball a shit ton. So hey, Eagles brass, just pay Desean his money cause I don't need to see what kind of shenanigans he might pull if he is making less money then freaking Jason Avant... Pay 'dat man 'is MONEY.

Back off of your boy J Werth

So Philly is abuzz with chatter on J Werth being in a casino until 4am the day of a game (or before if you are one of those morons who doesn't realize that 4am means that it is no longer yesterday)... Werth has been so horendous that I can't even google the word to see if it is spelled right. Not only can he not hit, he is so fucked up in the head that he can't get himself to lift the bat off his shoulder. And since we haven't heard of or seen pictures of him out drinking/banging trannies/gambling til 4am, and everyone and there grandmother can't let someone cough in public without whipping out their phone to take a picture, it's safe to assume that he hasn't been... I say, let the man do something different to break his multi-million dollar lossing slump he has been in. Get that man a slumpbuster. A 6'1" 240lb post-op beast and a couple winning hands of spanish 21 should get him cranking some hr's or at least give him something new to regret.... It works for Philly Wings back-up goalie Mickey Hover every day of the week and three times on Sunday, you've seen his pre-game warm-ups...

Fuck with the bull and you get the horns

AP-A Utah woman visiting Yellowstone National Park was injured when a bison charged her and flipped her into the air. Park officials say the 49-year-old woman, whose name wasn't released, was with her family near Old Faithful Monday when a bison in nearby brush ran at her and a 61-year-old man. The man was injured when he fell trying to get away from the animal.... Bison can weigh up to 2,000 pounds and run up to 30 mph.


Are we supposed to feel bad for this woman? This doesn't even seem newsworthy to me. STOP FUCKING WITH BIG ASS ANIMALS. When you fuck with a cat, you get scratched... When you fuck with a dog, you get bit... When you fuck with a 2,000lb bison that can run up to 30mph, you get fucking run over... that's just their version of scratching/biting... Get over it.

Below you will find a video of another guy who thinks it is smart to cross into a bison's bubble of personal/comfortable space.

Holy Crap

I now know how Harry felt in this scene. While out with friends this evening I get that call. I excuse myself and head to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom I notice that the door to the stall does not lock. Under normal circumstances this is unacceptable, and at the time, this was a normal circumstance. I return to my table of friends, we finish our beers, pay the tab and hit the road. After dropping the crew off it was time to embark on my 30 minute drive home. The first 27 minutes were fine, it was the last three that were painful. With no regard for pedestrians and running red light after red light, I pull in to the neighbourhood and speed down the road over the 3 speed bumps and park in the lot. With my body clenched as tight as it was, not only was running an issue, but unlocking the door even posed to be a challenge. By time I meandered through the apartment and juked the hungry animals, I made it to the bathroom just in time for a Reggie Miller-esq buzzer beating shot...

SWISH!!

This could makes things confusing

The kid in me is excited for the open house fun day, but the adult in me is sad that we're there for a funeral.

These Walls (of this Water-based Vegetable) CANNOT CONTAIN ME

NOBODY puts baby in a watermellon, you hear me? NOBODY.

Really Enrique?

From the shores of South Beach, to the cover of "The Village Voice's" queer issue, to the George Lopez Show and now a music video with Senior Iglesias. It seems the cast of "Jersey Shore" is every where but the Jersey Shore.

Celeberty? Rehab

(Rachel Uchitel and "Friend")

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Tiger Woods' alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel, former supermodel Janice Dickinson and reality star Jason Wahler of "The Hills" have all signed on for TV show "Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew", U.S. channel VHI said on Monday.

Uchitel, a nightclub manager who helped break the Tiger Woods sex scandal story last November, will be also be joined by 1970s teen idol and singer Leif Garrett, and "Party of Five" TV actor Jeremy London.

Woods has admitted cheating on his wife but has never confirmed or denied specific claims made by more than 12 women.

The fourth series of "Celebrity Rehab", to be aired in late 2010, will follow the real-life experiences of the celebrity patients undergoing detoxification and treatment for drugs, drink and other destructive addictions.

Past patients on the show have included actor Gary Busey, Guns N'Roses drummer Steven Adler, former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss and country music singer Mindy McCready.

Celebrity news websites reported earlier this year that producers had offered actress Lindsay Lohan $1 million to take part in the upcoming season. But Lohan, 24, reportedly turned down the offer and is due to start a 90-day jail term on Tuesday followed by a court-ordered 90 day rehab program.


It must be a cold day in hell when VH1 can't find any actual celebrities to be on "Celebrity Rehab." Sure they tried to get Lindsey Lohan, but we all know that grape is only going to get better with age. And how do you get Jeremy London but not his twin Jason? Even MTV got Angelina back for season two of the Jersey Shore. Hey VH1, here's the list you need for next season: Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan (and family), George Michael, and Lawrence Taylor and the show will write itself.

Is that a monkey in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

(Not Roberto Cabrera)

MEXICO CITY (AP) — A man with a mysterious bulge under his T-shirt was stopped, searched and detained at Mexico City's international airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in a girdle he was wearing.

The Public Safety Department said in a statement Monday that 38-year-old Roberto Cabrera arrived on a commercial flight Friday from Lima, Peru, when authorities noticed the bulge and conducted a body search.

The department says Cabrera was carrying the 6-inch (15-centimeter) titi monkeys in pouches attached to the girdle. Two of the monkeys were dead.

Cabrera was arrested on charges of trafficking an endangered species.

Cabrera told authorities he was carrying the monkeys in a suitcase but decided to put them in his girdle "so the X-rays wouldn't hurt them."







I don't know where to start with this one? Should I make a joke about a man smuggling monkeys in his pants? or the fact that the monkeys in question are titi monkeys? What about the mysterious bulge? what would constitute a normal bulge just so i know whether or not my gut will lead to a body search?

Bieber Fever hits Code Yellow

Justin Bieber's YouTube channel 'most watched', pop star set to star in movie, comic book (Pics)
July 19, 6:15

Justin Bieber's YouTube channel holds "Most Watched" record with 246 million fans. The
16-year-old sensation is set to star in his own movie and comic book series by the end of the
year. Justin Bieber's life story will be featured in a big screen flick. The teen star is not only starring in his own movie, he's a published comic book hero who's music videos are surpassing Lady Gaga's and setting YouTube records. Is there anything this kid can't do?

Yeah, this kid can't drive a car, buy cigarettes and booze, vote, and... oh yeah, he can't fly, can't fight, can't crow.

Joe Cool's Son in Hot Water

July 19, 2010, 12:07 PM ET
Nate Montana, ND athletes arrested
Associated Press

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- The son of former Notre Dame standout Joe Montana was among 11 Fighting Irish athletes arrested on misdemeanor charges of underage drinking at a party Friday night.

A total of 44 people were arrested after city police responded to a call about a fight near a roadway and discovered the party, said St. Joseph County Police assistant chief Bill Redman.

The most recognizable athletes arrested were Nate Montana, a walk-on who was the backup to starter Dayne Crist coming out of the spring, and Tim Abromaitis, the second leading scorer on the Irish basketball team at 16.1 points a game last season.

Montana spent last season as a backup at Pasadena City (Calif.) College. Several incoming freshmen are expected to compete with him for the No. 2 spot when practice begins next month.

If convicted, each faces a maximum sentence of 30 days in jail.

Reading is not my strong point, but from what I gathered from this article is that it seems that incoming hockey goalie Steven Summerhays is off the hook. Since when are hockey players held to different standards then other athletes? So what Summerhays has 20 consecutive wins from November 09 to February 10, did his father win the Bert Bell Award? I don't think so.

IDK. BME NBD

I Don't Know. Based on My Experience, it's No Big Deal.

Jul 19, 2010 10:00 pm US/Eastern

Poll: More NJ Drivers Are Texting

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) ―

More New Jersey motorists surveyed say they're texting behind the wheel and speeding. But the Garden State residents believe New York motorists are the worst drivers.

Some 25 percent of New Jersey motorists surveyed in a Fairleigh Dickinson University's PublicMind Poll released Monday say they've texted behind the wheel. That's up from 15 percent in 2008.

The survey finds an increase in the number of older motorists who text. Thirty-seven percent of drivers ages 30 to 44 years old say they've sent a text and 17 percent between 45 and 60 have done so.

The survey says use of hand-held cell phones is on the decline, with 12 percent saying they very often or sometimes use the phones.

Fifty-six percent of the respondents say New Yorkers are the worst drivers.

This is outrageous. completely absurd. You mean to tell me that people ages 45 to 60 are texting? my dad can't even send a email, and there are people older then him texting? ludicrous.

Dear Santa

So I didn't get the outrageous Christmas sweater that I begged and pleaded for last year, I'm still a little disappointed but not grieving anymore. This year, I won't be able to say the same if I do not get these pants. I need them, I want them and dammit I deserve them because I am a real american (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGuhZvO1DKg)