Angels Don't Need Gold, They're Fricken Angels

Current Johns Hopkins LSM, Charlie Wiggins

Current Victoria Secrets Angel, Jessica Stam

According to the NY Post:
Model Jessica Stam has put Kanye West dating rumors to bed by cozying up with a new man at a party. The Victoria's Secret beauty, who was spotted dining with West and two other pals last week, was seen making out with college lacrosse player Charlie Wiggins at a Sunglass Hut event at its Fifth Avenue store the other day. Stam has an eye for sporty men -- she dated former Ranger Aaron Voros before his move to Anaheim

Amen sister. who needs Kanye and all his money and hateful ways when you can get a sweet lax bro oh that also wears the number made famous by one Paul Rabil. I just wonder if this is gonna open the door for Victoria's secret to become the official outfitter of lacrosstitutes world wide.

Collegecures.com

www.collegecures.com

Love this site... similar to this except it has real blog's, actual journalism and people actually read it...

Born to be American

Some people are just born to be American's:
-Accessories- CHECK (arm/head bands)
-Loves television- CHECK (biggest loser shirt)
-Unnecessary electronics- CHECK (iNano)
-Overweight- CHECK

86 dog, sub cat= T. Mellon

Your boy, Kid-Wonder, Matt "The Franchise" Leinert

http://mlflag.com/

Matt Leinart- Learn how to appear to be a prospect, party like a rockstar and achieve has-been status by the age of 25.

Oh, so you thought you could keep Matt Lionheart down? No, sir... You can release him, you can bench him, you can make him the back-up to the clipboard holder, but you cannot keep him down... No pro football praise?, boom, start up flag football league... Word is that the opposing 11 year old safeties love playing against Leinert, locks onto receivers and passes moving so slow it's like intercepting a nerf ball.

Matt Leinart, giving back to the community... For a small fee of $200 per kid and a $250 team entry fee on top...

This is why Asante Samuel Shouldn't Hit

Known more for his soft hands rather then his hard hits, Asante Samuel physically asserted himself all over Derek Hagan Sunday night vs the Giants. this little hit ended up costing Asante 40k. $40,000? stick to intercepting passes Asante. oh, and don't drop them 20 yards down the field please. thanks

Aziz Ansari is Hilarious

While driving home from, I happened to be listen to a CD my friend burned me of some comedian named Aziz Ansari. this is one of those guys that's in every movie produced with one or two funny lines so you know his face, my recognize his voice, but really have no idea who he is. that or you know Aziz, and I'm just fucking clueless. either way, Aziz is a fucking riot. had me "LOL" my whole ride home. i even had to take the long route just to hear the whole act.

Does this make me gay?

While at work today, a song came on the radio and instantly transported me back to high school like it was a Delorian. what song do you ask? "You Make Me Wanna" by Usher. now i am not a usher fan nor do i hate usher. he's an artist that i can give props to for his body of work. but there was something about this song coming on when it did that i just lost it. singing out loud, bobbing my head, and ,if i had my knee brace on, would have busted out a dance that would have cured the world of Beiber fever.

Ever wonder how they make low-fat bacon?

Classic Case of Nerds Acting Out Their Favorite Video Games

The Baltimore Sun explains how at least two men armed with semi-automatic guns entered a Harford County GameStop just as it was about to close on Saturday night. The men stole four cases full of copies of Call of Duty: Black Ops -- totaling over 100 copies of the game -- as well as cash and some hardware. Two customers who entered the store mid-robbery were forced into a storage area in the store at gunpoint.

This is the second GameStop robbery in the area in the last few weeks, and authorities think the same men may have been responsible. The sheriff's office asked residents in the area to call and inform them about anyone nearby who has a copy of Black Ops before its launch official launch tomorrow.

They had to know this was coming right? I mean you keep releasing these games all about violence and gore and this is what you get. some over zealous nerds that just can't wait to get online and game with their "friends." my only question is, why did they need 100 copies? are they gonna sell them? and to who? nerds have no friends, hence their video game addiction.

Who Says Chivalry is Dead?

Last night on the premiere of Conan O'brien's new show Conan on TBS, funny man Seth Rogan told the tale of how he proposed to his fiance. to my dismay, it wasn't when Jaws popped out of the water at universal studios. and even more shocking, seth rogan has a girlfriend?

T.Ocho Show

Halfway through the season, the Cincinatti Bengals are severly underachieving with a record of 2-6. their offense is 15th in the league with 345 yards per game and 17th in scoring 20.9 points per game. the tandem of terrell owens and chad ochocinco has yet to be the "show" that we all anticipated. on top of that, after last nights game versus the Steelers it appears the T.O. is stealing the "show" and Ochocinco was showing his frustration after being held catchless until the final two minutes of the game. while T.O. had over 10 catches, 100+ yards, and 2 TDs. it seems as if the dynamic duo's days as partners are numbered with the stats slightly favoring T.O. who has 55 receptions for 770 yards and 7 TDs while Ocho has 40 receptions for 473 yards and only 2 TDs. another factor in this equation is the lack of a run game in cincinatti who averages 95 yards a game which is 22nd in the league. so starting now, we can start the rumors of this offseason in cincy. my money is on T.O. signs a deal with the Bengals and they shop Ochocinco who ends up with the Jets or Dolphins.

The Student Becomes the Teacher?

Dina Lohan, mother of my favorite ginger Lindsay Lohan, tells Matt Lauer in an interview that Lilo is thinking of opening her own rehab center. I mean, that makes sense, who better to run a rehab then one of its most frequent visitors? Lindsay must have NA meetings down to a science by now. and those 12 steps... forget about it. I mean its nice of Lindsay to want to help others, but come on, we all know there is a little selfishness behind this adventure. just think of the discount she'll get from owning her own facility. and how would the press be able to differentiate between Lindsay checking in to rehab versus clocking in for work?

Lets not concentrate just on rehab here though. We can make this a complete celebrity run mental wellness destination. Lindsay on alcohol and drugs, John Rocker on celebrity sensitivity training, Kanye West on race relations and public speaking, and Ryan Leaf on handling the pressures of fame.


Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
but not the way you want me to

Fear the Beiber

So tom brady says grey hair is a sign of weakness, beiber calls him out for being 40 and old, and then the browns put words in to action on sunday in a 34-14 stomping of the patriots. classic sunday football.

They're Just Horsing Around

they are some angry elfs. I guess they are just like reagular people.

Bird Brains

“It’s nearly as unthinkable that the Eagles would let Vick get to the Redskins as it was for the Eagles to send Donovan McNabb there. But that doesn't change the fact that the rumor mill is churning with talk of the 'Skins wanting Vick, who'll be an unrestricted free agent in 2011.

“What better way to get McNabb's attention than to create the impression that they prefer the guy who helped chase McNabb out of Philly?”

According to CSNPhilly.com there are rumors surfacing about the Washington Redskins trying to aquire Philadelphia Eagle quarterback Michael Vick. although at this stage they are just rumors, it does raise an interesting point to what is going to happen this offseason when Vick become an unrestricted free agent? do the eagles let him walk and focus their attention on Kolb? do they sign Vick long term, and if so what does that mean for Kolb? at this point I am all for the eagles keeping Vick. I wasn't surpirsed when they traded away Mcnabb, but confused to why Washington. I would like to have the faith in my Eagles to thing they wouldn't be dumb enough to do the same with Vick, or Kolb for that matter. With the way Vick is playing i don't see how you don't keep him around. I mean he did just out gun the all mighty Payton Manning.

On to the Next One

Well, Wade Phillips is out in Dallas. oh well. Now they just have to do something about the 53 other guys down there and then they can start making some progress.

Hurtin for a squirtin

Im sorry, did Crowder call McClain a Ho? he spit in your face so now he's a ho? that doesn't make any sense. I always that Hoes swallowed. then he would be a ho... for sho.

Really?

You really want to stand there and tell me that the 30 year old slightly-overweight man in this PP+K competition is child Andy Reid?... It looks like his competition consists of a couple oompa loompas and maybe that midget DMX... Even Danny Almonte looked more like a 12 year old than "Reid", and Almonte had a mustcahe, arthritis and a sizeable 401k.

Cleveland 1, leBron 0...

Sid the Kid

So Pittsburgh Penguin star Sidney Crosby tried his hand in another aspect of professional hockey(pun intended), and that was fighting. This wasn't Crosby's first fight but after watching it I wouldn't be upset if it was his last. He now has five fights in his young career, tied with Gretzky, and a record of 4-1-0. But come on, I mean their are guys in the NHL who's only purpose is to fuck dudes up. take Tie Domi for example, this guys has 245 career points and over 3500 PIMs. and according to Dropyourgloves.com most of those PIMs most likely came from his 333 fights where he holds a record of 162-65-76. So my advice to you Mr Kid, you just concentrate on dangling and leave the fighting to your goon teammates like Deryk Englelland (4-0-1 this season).


P.S. Crosby, if you are gonna fight, then keep your hand closed. none of the mush to the face bullshit



what a right hook at the 34 second mark.

shout out to the P.A. crew for playing "momma said knock you out." always classy NHL

No Brainer

According to SI.com's Will Carroll, Desean Jackson will wear a new helmet made by shutt when he returns to play for the Philadelphia Eagles this weekend. Jackson was knocked the fuck out last month on, what I consider, a clean hit from Atlanta Falcon cornerback Daunta Robinson. Although the NFL has contractual obligations with Riddel helmets, players that suffer from head injuries are allowed to wear other manufacturers as long as no product labels are visible. Wait, so the NFL knows there are better helmets out there but wont opt out of a contract with Riddel to protect their players? that makes sense. i mean if players were protected better against these "vicious" hits, then player saftey wouldn't be an issue and the NFL couldn't fine players and make money. I guess the next step is for Roger Goodell to to ban all contact and players are only allowed to use their feet. Oh, my bad, that's the OTHER pussy sport, soccer. well maybe NFL soccer players can use Riddel shin pads.

And whats this nonsense reported by philly.com that Desean's mother bought him a Schutt helmet to prevent further head injury? I mean i understand a mother's love, but how about the Philadelphia Eagles protecting their most explosive and exciting player?

Where Are They Now?

I came across this site today about the top 10 college football players and where they are today. don't be confused, its not the top 10 college football players AND where they are, but more the top 10 interesting places for a notable college football player to end up post playing days. I won't run down the whole list but just my favorites.

#10 Reuben Drougns. Currently coaching football in Serbia. Serbia?


#3 Ryan Leaf. the only surprise here is that Ryan Leaf is still alive. although i think booking fishing trips in Canada may be one of those things to begin the dying process, like retiring and moving to Florida, aka heavens waiting room.


#1 Jake "the Snake" Plummer. Currently playing professional handball in Idaho. I mean, he's still got it.

George Bush writes a book?

Apparently former President George Bush wrote a book titled "Decision Points." Now, I by no means claim to be a political expert and if it weren't for spell check, I wouldn't have been able to spell political. But I watch enough "Family Guy", "South Park", and MTV News to know that Bush's two terms in office were filled with questionable decision making. and while he may have been hated by many, many people, I find it shocking when he says Kanye West's allegations that Bush "doesn't care about Black People," was the low point of his presidency.

When Lauer asked Bush if he remembered the comments Kanye made about him, President Obama's predecessor offered a matter-of-fact response.
"Yes, I do. He called me a racist," Bush told Lauer.
Lauer clarified that Kanye did not literally call Bush a racist but instead said, "George Bush doesn't care about Black people." But Bush maintained his stance.
"That's - 'he's a racist,'" Bush said. "And I didn't appreciate it then. I don't appreciate it now. It's one thing to say, 'I don't appreciate the way he's handled his business.' It's another thing to say, 'This man's a racist.' I resent it, it's not true, and it was one of the most disgusting moments in my Presidency."
Lauer quoted an excerpt from the book on the matter:
"I faced a lot of criticism as President. I didn't like hearing people claim that I lied about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction or cut taxes to benefit the rich. But the suggestion that I was racist because of the response to Katrina represented an all time low."

I guess its just further proof that Bush just wasn't really paying attention. As far as the book goes, I for one would like to get my hands on it, I mean, I love a good pop-up book.

In case you missed it:

Aparently, I am the only person that can't dougie

I don't know who dougie is, but he has a dance that can give the electric slide, the chicken dance and even the Macareana all a run for their money.



Beiber & Ellen


John Wall


Desean Jackson


Reggie Bush


Even Carlton Banks

Break out the Oreos

I wanted to pass these videos along to remind all of us, it's not over, until it's over.
I'm sure is something the folks in Dallas have come accustom to watching.

How do I not get called for this video?

Phil Davidson for President!

Hello America, meet Phil Davidson. Phil is a republican from Stark County, Ohio. Recently, Phil ran for Treasurer of Stark County, and failed miserably......Probably because of this speech. However, he might just be the jumpstart this country needs in the oval office......if he lays off the crack pipe.

Enjoy.

P.S. Don't you just love the fact that he's got a MASTERS in communication, and still managed to completely buttfuck both his entire speech, AND HIS FAVORITE QUOTE OF ALL TIME......IN THE HISTORY OF THE SPOKEN WORD!!!!

Great Mashup thanks to hilarious candidate

First the original video....

Debate With "Rent Is Too Damn High" Candidate - Watch more Funny Videos

And now the quality mashup with the movie "Up". And once again, why? The rent is too damn high...

Up Too Damn High - Watch more Funny Videos

Pee Wee Brawl

Just a good ole fashioned pee wee football induced adult brawl... Can these people being interviewed spare me their somber tones, they're talking like the saw someone get their head get ripped off by someones bare hands... It's a fight, cheer the fuck up...

Another Shinning Moment for Soccer

Remember when you got in that argument about how soccer/futbol is a pussy sport?... Viewing this video would have made sure that the debate never happened at all...

P.S.- I don't want to hear about torn ligaments in his ankle... I tore ligaments in my ankle during a game and finished the game, then I spent a month on crutches afterwards... You know what I didn't do? Didn't cry about it.

Get off the field.

My Momma always said "DO NOT fuck with Ref's that have well established mustaches."

AMBER ALERT!!!

http://www.usmagazine.com/stylebeauty/news/ali-lohan-16-models-skimpy-dress-for-lindsays-line-2010229

So after seeing how well Lindsay has done living in the spotlight, the Lohan clan has released another Lohan girl into the modeling game, 16 year old Ali Lohan... Needless to say Melon is a HUGE Lindsay Lohan fan, has a picture of her in his Herbie Fully Loaded velcro wallet, he was balling his eyes out in the parking lot of the courtroom as she was getting sentenced... Well watch out world, er Ali, because you just got a new Myface/tweeter/real-life stalker who will find you. God speed, can't wait to see your E*trade commercial, cause your sisters is pretty damn good.

B-T-B

Kids got hands, TO and Braylon Edwards would have both dropped this pass...

ESPN: "Sources: Eagles get calls on Kevin Kolb"

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5604002

The Iggles are BACK baby... Short-sighted decision making and idiotic rationale which has always prevented talented Iggle teams from succeeding into the postseason even when the odds are in their favor... "Andy Reid" has made a decision to abandon their "Quarterback of the Future" Kevin Kolb, because he had a tough first half of the first game of the season while running for his life from Clay Matthews all day and only knowing he was coming because Matthews sweats out steriods in liters and inevitably was driven into ground causing concussion... Due to the performance of Mike Vick in 1 half versus a Packer D that was ill-prepared to face a Quarterback of his style that day, and in their game against the NFL Powerhouse Detroit Lions, Iggle management has made the bright decision to hand the starting job to Vick who is in the final year of a contract and unlikely to be re-signable if he does well this season since the Iggles spent a bunch of money locking of Kolb for the next couple years...

Idiotic to put off development of Kolb since they see him as their franchise QB moving forward, since "Vick gives them the best opportunity to win now"... Does a team that gives up 32 points to THE Detroit Lions, including OVER 330 yards passing to Shaun mother-fucking Hill, sound like a team that can win anything now???... (1) Put your healthy franchise QB in the game, (2) trade Vick for a long-term starting O-Lineman, (3) sign Jeff Garcia as a back-up replacement and then hope that Kolb has developed enough by Week 8 to help you make a legit run at the NFC wildcard... This is what happens when your GM is a numbers guy, not a sports guy...

So obviously since the Iggles have been notoriously poor decision-makers, the rest of the NFL is going to get while the getting is hot and try to swipe Kolb while the Iggles stare at their shiny new toy of the moment.

I'm Breaking My Silence

Its been a few weeks since my last blog and I'm sorry. September has been a tough one since my government paid vacation has come to an end and I have in turn been working a tedious 35 hour work week. But enough about me and on to the subject of this post, Mike Vick.

Michael Vick, the man that some small publication, Forbes Magazine, named the most hated person in sports, was just named the starter of the Philadelphia Eagles. Don't mistake my admiration for Vick as acceptance for his involvement in his dog fighting ordeal. However, when I found out the Eagles signed him when he was reinstated in the NFL, I was excited. It is no secret what Vick brings to the football field and he is one player that can singlehandedly change a game when he is on the field. It seems I'm not the only one that feels this way about Vick. According to a ESPN Sportsnation poll, 87% of over 99,000 people polled agree with Andy Ried's recent decision to start Vick over Kolb.

From most hated person in sports to starting quarterback of the Eagles and, as Reid puts it; "playing out of his mind." all i can say is enjoy the ride...

He's still got it.

Annexation of Puerto Rico

Notice the QB skips the ball off the turf to the WR, WR plays like it's an incomplete pass, BUUUUUT since it was thrown backwards it is a live ball that can still be thrown... Too bad Presbyterian didn't have any more tricks up their sleeves.. But seriously, why waste this play in a game where you're down 26-0?? Now everyone will have seen it and there's no way you can use it again this season... I guess that type of decision making is what made the 26-0 already...

FREE NYJER

I'm 100% with Nyjer Morgan here, I would have done the same shit... These announcers are complete morongs... He gets hit earlier in game and then steals 2nd and 3rd, good it's fucking sports and he is losing and trying to get some runs, makes sense to me... And just cause they couldn't throw him out while stealing, they throw at him again... he has every right to charge, but no these announcers and some baseball morons think it makes sense that he got thrown at because he stole bases after getting an earlier retaliation plunk... FREE NYJER

Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Sean Penn from Between Two Ferns

I was not ready to be as amused by this video as I was, great balance of tension, humor, mustache and awkwardness.

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis: Natalie Portman from Between Two Ferns

That's about right.

So much for talented AND beautiful now

The minute I saw this digger I checked my cell to see how many missed calls I had from my agent, because this crew has to be begging for me to fill in now that this chick's nose is probably the same size as Jennifer Aniston's birth nose... Dusting off the red dress as we speak (no homo).

Why are they clapping at the end? It's not like she was getting up, she was still on the ground moaning and sobbing... Are they trying to give her encouragement? Are they just clapping because they're supposed to since curtain is closing?... Ten bucks says that they're just happy that they don't have to watch her STRUGGLE through another balad...

Post Script- Maybe this is just a tryout for an all female redition of Beauty and the Beast.

HAPPY, WATCH OUTTAAA!!

This is(was) Iowa offensive lineman Josh Koeppel, riding his scooter in Iowa City, Iowa... This is just God saying that grown men, especially those over 6' 300lb's have no place on scooters... So what are the odds that the car that hit this giant dude has more damage then he himself? Have to be pretty high... Note: That object you see flying in the air near the traffic signal is indeed Josh's shoe.

Soccer fight

Conclusion: Women soccer players are so much tougher than guy soccer players, because when the chick in the white gets knocked to the ground she pops right back up ready to go... if that had been a dude soccer player, the ambulance would have already been on the field and they would have his next of kin already notified...

RE: Unemployment

Times is tough... So if you're on your computer reading this cause you have shit else to do, you will be ready to put on your Wendy's uniform and jump right behind the counter after watching these...

When Hunters are Hunted

At what point do predators become the prey? Chris Hansen of Dateline's "to catch a predator" has been doing a great job of riding the world wide web of creepy old men that prey on the young and innocent. But at what point are the tables turned? Who's to say that Chris isn't seeking these "predators" out and luring them in to a fate worse then death itself? The reason I bring this up isn't because I am against Hansen's work (don't believe a word Winger tells you about my social life), but more because it seems all too easy trap dudes on the internet. Just the other day I got a friend request from a young lady whom I share mutual friends with, and seeing that I can count my real life friends without taking my shoes off, of course I accepted (I still have hopes of breaking the 100 friend mark one day). After browsing this young lady's page I came to the realization that this friendship is doomed from the beginning and there is nothing that leads on to believe that this is a real person. Upon further investigation I find that our mutual friends also have little insight to who this young lass is, which makes me wonder if this person is who they say they are or is it some suit trying to rid the 'net of a young up and coming blogger.

Welcome to My Life, Country of China

AP- A massive traffic jam in northern China that hit its 10-day mark on Tuesday stems from road construction in Beijing that won't be finished until the middle of next month, an official said.

Bumper-to-bumper gridlock spanning 60 miles — with cars moving little more than a half-mile a day at one point — has improved since this weekend, said Zhang Minghai, director of Zhangjiakou city's Traffic Management Bureau general office.

First of all, I don't feel bad for these people whatsoever because I have to deal with PA drivers who rubberneck at squirrels on the side of the road... I do not understand how this is news, first of all there are 25billion people in China and second of all at least half of them are Chinese/Asian women drivers so how is this type of back-up not expected???... Find me some real news Associated Press...

Young for Mayor of Providence

Just when I was getting fed up with all politicians everywhere, you Chris Young go and redeem all politicians in one 3:28 video... Don't sleep on the oh-so-sneaky mini-ponytail... How does Melon's brother here get past the pre-show chat?, like there is no way this dude could keep himself under control long enough in the meet-and-greet to prevent some raised eyebrows and a change in programming to that squirrel that can water-ski (no video included, google that shit if you don't know what I'm talking about)

Miss Universe... Really?

Is the Miss Universe Pageant fucking kidding?... Bret Michaels hosting still rocking the bandana to keep his hair piece on, and a Baldwin not named Alec as a judge? Step up your game Miss Universe, who's hosting next year Balki from perfect strangers with Ron Howard's brother Clint as a judge?... Needless to say, the winner was legit (see below)... Judges should get zero screen time, and the host is unnecessary this is like trying to watch baseball while having to hear Joe Buck, basketball with Bill Walton, lacrosse with Quint Kessenich, anyone other than Doc Emerick in NHL, or Cris Collinsworth in NFL, just fucking unbearable.

Tiger Woods' Horses Race

The battle of two horses both owned by Tiger Woods... Can you tell when he named each of them?

Play it Cool

So this guy passes out at the Devil Rays vs. Rangers MLB game and this is what ensues... My question is, who are you more pissed at in this guys case?

1. Security guard who wont just let sleeping dogs lie.
2. The mascot for tagging you with silly string.
3. Your friends for ditching your ass when you fell asleep (nobody goes to a game by themself that is suitable for public appearances)
4. The chick in the parking lot before the game who dared you to drink that last Mike's Hard Lemonade Light that put you over the top.
5. Everybody for even noticing since it is a fucking regular season baseball game that nobody gives a shit about, even the players.

Post Script- Got to love his reaction when he wakes up, lean forward slow clap... Playing it cool..

Just Taking the CRV to the Store

At first I thought... Wow that must be an Asian female driver, then I paused, put my hand to my chin, slightly tilted my head and realized that there is no way this was an Asian woman driver because no deaths occured and irreversible bodily harm was inflicted on innocent bystanders... I'm perplexed, I do not know what sterotype to use in this (non)incident.

This is What Happens When DB's Close Eyes to Tackle

Bed Intruder

ESPN- An Oregon State University offensive lineman, Tyler Thomas, has been dismissed from the team after police say they found him naked and intoxicated in a stranger's home and had to use stun guns to take him into custody. When responding officers told Thomas to get on the ground, he refused and instead dropped into a three-point stance like a football player and lunged at the officers, Brewer said. At that point, he said, two officers fired their stun guns. Police said he was "absolutely intoxicated."


What would you do, if you woke up to find a naked 6'2 302lb Oregon State offensive lineman bed intruder?... Hide ya wife, hide ya children, hide ya husband, hide ya beef cause they rapin' evvvvverrybody.

So close, and yet.....not really

If you consider a full rotation to be represented by a 1.0, this kid might have made it past the .3 mark but seriously, wtf. I dare say he might even be dumber than he was before he tried a flat footed backflip.

Why do kids these days even try stupid shit like this? When I was a young lad if we were tryin to pull off backflips in the back yard it was either into snow or off a fuckin trampoline. I almost wish this was on pavement so this chucklebrain could turn into a ad campaign for not doing stupid stunts you have literally no chance of pulling off and will leave you a crippled mess the rest of your life.

Joey Fatone's Life (Update)

Nobody wants to be embarrased indeed. Move Cheryl, he is FUCKING WORKING... THIS is his moment... Gotta woo the crowd baby... Anyway, move over Zack Galapagos here comes Spike...

Post Script- I am well aware that it is possible that Spike has a developmental issue, but I posted it because he referred to his left hand as his non "dominant hand" which passed him on my test... Also because I'm sure if he had a video of some of the shit I do, he would be sending it around to his friends saying "check out this clown"

Planes, Trains and Automobiles 2010

Richard Simmons, Jr.

So far the workout is working really well... Who needs spandex when you have some high quality aged tighty-whities.

BREAKING NEWS: Chinese Growing Real-Life Smurfs

Leave it to the Chinese to make babies that 1) you can see in the womb and 2) are actual smurf babies... Rumors are flying around that the Korean's are secreting growing Snorks for competition.

Are You Not Entertained?

Sumo wrestling is cool, huge dudes using brute strength to dominate the shit out of someone.



This is not, this is >average dudes who just like to get sweaty and pal around with each other in enormous thongs.

Picture of THE Thornton Melon

This is Melon... Out in his element, roaming the earth looking for his next source of pepsi... Far removed from his last man-scaping, leaving garbage and terrorized women and children in his path... Enjoy him in small doses, Melon is dangerous.

It's A Walk Off

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/08/12/2010-08-12_club_crazy_turns_into_chewbacca.html

James Leahy, who also goes by the name Jane Lane, is out on bail after chomping off the ear of a male model inside Highbar, a trendy midtown hot spot on W. 48th St. During a physical altercation between the two.

"I reached for my ear and it was not there," said a traumatized Ronnie Brown, 25, whose left lobe was sewn back on after the Sunday night attack. "It looks like a dog mangled it."... "Right now, everybody has heard Ronnie's side of the story," said Michael Formika-Jones, a friend of both and another famous club fixture. "There are two sides to every story - even Lorena Bobbitt had her side of the story."

If I have said it once, I have said it a million times... Do not step your ass onto the runway if you aren't ready for some shit... Hopefully he can fall back as a hand model because when I think male model, I think pouty lips, styled-hair and two ears... All dude had to do was turn left and he would still be just a normal male model but now he is a shoe in to be doing porn with Montana Fishbourne soon...

Are You Prepared for an Amount of Football?!?!!

You're ugly and suck at football, but I love you as a person...

Listen to this one with the volume off for your benefit... Old school football was AWESOME...





Some QB's are just born ready.


And this one below is for me... Somebody take that guys pom poms and get him a jersey and a helmet.

Carved His Name Into Those Leather Seats

I think I used to work for this guy in high school... He was causing scenes back then too because he was a Chinese-born pizza place owner... Sing on brother

I Don't Care if I Ever Get Back

What the Reds and Cardinals did the another night was not a fight, it was a middle-school style group pushing match... This is a fight.

Trick Not Treat

So this was in the fridge at work yesterday afternoon, and I had to do a triple-take when I saw it because this doesn't happen. People don't put leftover food up for grabs in office places, it just doesn't happen... People guard their lunch time food/leftovers like cavemen used to guard a fresh kill... So what is wrong with this? Did someone find a hair in it and not want to do harm to the starving people in Africa by throwing it out, so they pawn it onto an unsuspecting victim?... Did someone get fed up with my "wise"-cracks and strategically place a poisened quesadilla into the fridge knowing full well that my weakness is mexican-themed lunch platters??... Well I, for one, am not falling for it...

I Have No Idea Why.

Youth Unemployment Hits Record High


(click to enlarge)


Well I wonder why these people are unemployed, we can go person by person here:
Candidate #1: Really? Leather jacket, modern muller and leopard-printed men's cap
Candidate #2: Designer shades just ta hide ya faces. (M. Posner: Cooler than Me)
Candidate #3: Skinny jeans and cowboy boots... freaking hipsters
Candidate #4: Old-school hitops are legit but you tongues out and undershirt-only look... sir...

Looks more like a casting call for Mad TV than a line of people should be employed.

Do You Have Milwaukee's Best on Tap?

First of all, I was WAY too close to this guy to be taking his picture with my phone that it is impossible to turn off the shutter sound on when taking said picture... But this is what I do for you people... I kept looking around for help when this 30ish year old guy came in to the bar, I felt like I needed to laugh, cry or hug him because this man is living the dream, well at least a dream... What you cannot see is that besides the man-mane he has, he is rocking a "Jesus Loves You" t-shirt" which has "But the rest of us think you're a douchebag" in small print underneath... Cherry on top was him throwing some oollllld school pick-up lines at the middle-aged bartender... I was speechless for the longest time, which almost never happens to me, until I finally came up with the perfect comment when I said to him "Dad?, is that you?"

Scene of the Crime

This is what's left of that house I referred to burning down yesterday... You have no idea how hard I had to find my inner demons not to take this crane thing on a joy ride terrorizing people all over town and picking up stray cats in the cup-thingy and launchy them at people who drive around in convertibles with their tops down but windows up.

It Aint About One Player

I'm a struggling bears fan, which is similar to being a recovering alcoholic... I had some good times a couple years ago but lately shit has sucked... I hated Rex Grossman, I do not like Jay Cutler, I really do not like Mike Martz; and even if they won the Superbowl this year I would be still be fed up with them... After watching this video off of the world wide web because I'm too cheap to buy HBO, I am ready to be a Jets fan... I can get on board with Rex Ryan, I could do without Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes but can get behind some David Harris, D'brickashaw Ferguson and (hopefully) Revis... Fuck it, after that speech I'm ready to go on the field and play for Rex Ryan, even though I'd spend from age 35 'til death in a wheelchair with some knawed up fingers and an ever-blinking eye.. J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets

Alright, You Win

So today has been interesting... I was late to work because a house that I drive by near work on my way into the office burnt down. The house was a ticking time bomb, the house had already been drooping and the bro's that live there spend all day everyday on their porch in jean shorts and old jerseys crushing keystone's... Then as I sit at my desk doing tantra breathing trying to stop myself from sweating from when I ran up the stairs trying to make up time... Then once I quelled the flow of sweat I got myself a cup of coffee cause I was so tired from tossing and turning all night, proceeded to sip it and burn my mouth while spilling it on myself... So now I'm sitting at my chair with a huge coffee stain that is drawing raised eyebrows cause these are dark colored pants... I'm about ready to chalk this day up as a loss and walk home, since at the rate I'm going I would probably get in a car accident.

Really?

Saw this gem on the road this morning... When I passed this car and this driver who looked like the last-man-out reject from the Jersey Shore casting call I wanted to pull him over, take him to the back of the car to stare at his outrageous spoiler and bring him back down to Earth, like when you tell a dumb child they can't realllly be President, and say to him "dude, it's a freaking Pontiac"... I'm sure this champ had a medium Fanta chilling in the cup holder...

Define: Inevitable

Well duh, they broke up... This relationship was done once the foul ball peaked coming towards them and he started moving away from her covering up... but how about the host absolutely calling this guy a pussy, "in normal human life if a foul ball comes your way, you know what men do? They stand up and they catch the foul ball. That's what men do."... Then this boy sits there with no negative response, I guess it hasn't sunk into his brain yet that he is done worse than Steve Bartmen... He can rove eharmony, match, jdate and craigslist and he will not find a woman the rest of his life... No woman whether she hates sports or loves sports puts down "looking for a guy who will put himself first when something comes flying at us rather than protecting me"... sweet straight brim hat though

Sing it Randy

Randy Newman, straight hating on short people... Angry about it? Grow up.

Reggie who?

This is incoming USC freshman running back Dillon Baxter, yeah he's ok... If Reggie got a house and Kim Kardashian, that means Dillon will get a yacht and a chick who actually has a talent, like Taylor Swift or Hannah Montana... Lane Kiffin already suspended your boy Dillon for the first game of the season, for "violating team rules," not to worry Trojan fans, with this kind of talent the only thing that would get him kicked off the team would involve Lane's wife, mother, a bucket of ice cubes and a nine iron.

While on the subject of Lane Kiffin's wife, USC will be fine after the sanctions because, as you can see from her picture below, Lane Kiffin can recruit his ass off.

Times is Tough

You know what country this video is in?... America... If the US changes into the next former-Soviet Union, I shotgun the name Vladamir.


The future looks bright as well, this photo below is not photoshopped, it's from outside a north carolina shcool.

86 Mark Schlereth, sub Alexandria

ESPN NFL analyst and former Denver Bronco Mark Schlereth has a daughter, Alexandria. I can't imagine where he's been hiding her for the last 20+ years, but she's out now. According to her Twitter page she's "A chick who loves sports and also does some acting. Also, Mark Schlereth's daughter" too bad her acting is limited to something called "MyNetworkTV" which is some FOX affiliate similar to the likes of WB and UPN. Hey Michael Bay, put this chick in Transformers 3.