RE: Unemployment

Times is tough... So if you're on your computer reading this cause you have shit else to do, you will be ready to put on your Wendy's uniform and jump right behind the counter after watching these...

When Hunters are Hunted

At what point do predators become the prey? Chris Hansen of Dateline's "to catch a predator" has been doing a great job of riding the world wide web of creepy old men that prey on the young and innocent. But at what point are the tables turned? Who's to say that Chris isn't seeking these "predators" out and luring them in to a fate worse then death itself? The reason I bring this up isn't because I am against Hansen's work (don't believe a word Winger tells you about my social life), but more because it seems all too easy trap dudes on the internet. Just the other day I got a friend request from a young lady whom I share mutual friends with, and seeing that I can count my real life friends without taking my shoes off, of course I accepted (I still have hopes of breaking the 100 friend mark one day). After browsing this young lady's page I came to the realization that this friendship is doomed from the beginning and there is nothing that leads on to believe that this is a real person. Upon further investigation I find that our mutual friends also have little insight to who this young lass is, which makes me wonder if this person is who they say they are or is it some suit trying to rid the 'net of a young up and coming blogger.

Welcome to My Life, Country of China

AP- A massive traffic jam in northern China that hit its 10-day mark on Tuesday stems from road construction in Beijing that won't be finished until the middle of next month, an official said.

Bumper-to-bumper gridlock spanning 60 miles — with cars moving little more than a half-mile a day at one point — has improved since this weekend, said Zhang Minghai, director of Zhangjiakou city's Traffic Management Bureau general office.

First of all, I don't feel bad for these people whatsoever because I have to deal with PA drivers who rubberneck at squirrels on the side of the road... I do not understand how this is news, first of all there are 25billion people in China and second of all at least half of them are Chinese/Asian women drivers so how is this type of back-up not expected???... Find me some real news Associated Press...

Young for Mayor of Providence

Just when I was getting fed up with all politicians everywhere, you Chris Young go and redeem all politicians in one 3:28 video... Don't sleep on the oh-so-sneaky mini-ponytail... How does Melon's brother here get past the pre-show chat?, like there is no way this dude could keep himself under control long enough in the meet-and-greet to prevent some raised eyebrows and a change in programming to that squirrel that can water-ski (no video included, google that shit if you don't know what I'm talking about)

Miss Universe... Really?

Is the Miss Universe Pageant fucking kidding?... Bret Michaels hosting still rocking the bandana to keep his hair piece on, and a Baldwin not named Alec as a judge? Step up your game Miss Universe, who's hosting next year Balki from perfect strangers with Ron Howard's brother Clint as a judge?... Needless to say, the winner was legit (see below)... Judges should get zero screen time, and the host is unnecessary this is like trying to watch baseball while having to hear Joe Buck, basketball with Bill Walton, lacrosse with Quint Kessenich, anyone other than Doc Emerick in NHL, or Cris Collinsworth in NFL, just fucking unbearable.

Tiger Woods' Horses Race

The battle of two horses both owned by Tiger Woods... Can you tell when he named each of them?

Play it Cool

So this guy passes out at the Devil Rays vs. Rangers MLB game and this is what ensues... My question is, who are you more pissed at in this guys case?

1. Security guard who wont just let sleeping dogs lie.
2. The mascot for tagging you with silly string.
3. Your friends for ditching your ass when you fell asleep (nobody goes to a game by themself that is suitable for public appearances)
4. The chick in the parking lot before the game who dared you to drink that last Mike's Hard Lemonade Light that put you over the top.
5. Everybody for even noticing since it is a fucking regular season baseball game that nobody gives a shit about, even the players.

Post Script- Got to love his reaction when he wakes up, lean forward slow clap... Playing it cool..

Just Taking the CRV to the Store

At first I thought... Wow that must be an Asian female driver, then I paused, put my hand to my chin, slightly tilted my head and realized that there is no way this was an Asian woman driver because no deaths occured and irreversible bodily harm was inflicted on innocent bystanders... I'm perplexed, I do not know what sterotype to use in this (non)incident.

This is What Happens When DB's Close Eyes to Tackle

Bed Intruder

ESPN- An Oregon State University offensive lineman, Tyler Thomas, has been dismissed from the team after police say they found him naked and intoxicated in a stranger's home and had to use stun guns to take him into custody. When responding officers told Thomas to get on the ground, he refused and instead dropped into a three-point stance like a football player and lunged at the officers, Brewer said. At that point, he said, two officers fired their stun guns. Police said he was "absolutely intoxicated."


What would you do, if you woke up to find a naked 6'2 302lb Oregon State offensive lineman bed intruder?... Hide ya wife, hide ya children, hide ya husband, hide ya beef cause they rapin' evvvvverrybody.

So close, and yet.....not really

If you consider a full rotation to be represented by a 1.0, this kid might have made it past the .3 mark but seriously, wtf. I dare say he might even be dumber than he was before he tried a flat footed backflip.

Why do kids these days even try stupid shit like this? When I was a young lad if we were tryin to pull off backflips in the back yard it was either into snow or off a fuckin trampoline. I almost wish this was on pavement so this chucklebrain could turn into a ad campaign for not doing stupid stunts you have literally no chance of pulling off and will leave you a crippled mess the rest of your life.

Joey Fatone's Life (Update)

Nobody wants to be embarrased indeed. Move Cheryl, he is FUCKING WORKING... THIS is his moment... Gotta woo the crowd baby... Anyway, move over Zack Galapagos here comes Spike...

Post Script- I am well aware that it is possible that Spike has a developmental issue, but I posted it because he referred to his left hand as his non "dominant hand" which passed him on my test... Also because I'm sure if he had a video of some of the shit I do, he would be sending it around to his friends saying "check out this clown"

Planes, Trains and Automobiles 2010

Richard Simmons, Jr.

So far the workout is working really well... Who needs spandex when you have some high quality aged tighty-whities.

BREAKING NEWS: Chinese Growing Real-Life Smurfs

Leave it to the Chinese to make babies that 1) you can see in the womb and 2) are actual smurf babies... Rumors are flying around that the Korean's are secreting growing Snorks for competition.

Are You Not Entertained?

Sumo wrestling is cool, huge dudes using brute strength to dominate the shit out of someone.



This is not, this is >average dudes who just like to get sweaty and pal around with each other in enormous thongs.

Picture of THE Thornton Melon

This is Melon... Out in his element, roaming the earth looking for his next source of pepsi... Far removed from his last man-scaping, leaving garbage and terrorized women and children in his path... Enjoy him in small doses, Melon is dangerous.

It's A Walk Off

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/08/12/2010-08-12_club_crazy_turns_into_chewbacca.html

James Leahy, who also goes by the name Jane Lane, is out on bail after chomping off the ear of a male model inside Highbar, a trendy midtown hot spot on W. 48th St. During a physical altercation between the two.

"I reached for my ear and it was not there," said a traumatized Ronnie Brown, 25, whose left lobe was sewn back on after the Sunday night attack. "It looks like a dog mangled it."... "Right now, everybody has heard Ronnie's side of the story," said Michael Formika-Jones, a friend of both and another famous club fixture. "There are two sides to every story - even Lorena Bobbitt had her side of the story."

If I have said it once, I have said it a million times... Do not step your ass onto the runway if you aren't ready for some shit... Hopefully he can fall back as a hand model because when I think male model, I think pouty lips, styled-hair and two ears... All dude had to do was turn left and he would still be just a normal male model but now he is a shoe in to be doing porn with Montana Fishbourne soon...

Are You Prepared for an Amount of Football?!?!!

You're ugly and suck at football, but I love you as a person...

Listen to this one with the volume off for your benefit... Old school football was AWESOME...





Some QB's are just born ready.


And this one below is for me... Somebody take that guys pom poms and get him a jersey and a helmet.

Carved His Name Into Those Leather Seats

I think I used to work for this guy in high school... He was causing scenes back then too because he was a Chinese-born pizza place owner... Sing on brother

I Don't Care if I Ever Get Back

What the Reds and Cardinals did the another night was not a fight, it was a middle-school style group pushing match... This is a fight.

Trick Not Treat

So this was in the fridge at work yesterday afternoon, and I had to do a triple-take when I saw it because this doesn't happen. People don't put leftover food up for grabs in office places, it just doesn't happen... People guard their lunch time food/leftovers like cavemen used to guard a fresh kill... So what is wrong with this? Did someone find a hair in it and not want to do harm to the starving people in Africa by throwing it out, so they pawn it onto an unsuspecting victim?... Did someone get fed up with my "wise"-cracks and strategically place a poisened quesadilla into the fridge knowing full well that my weakness is mexican-themed lunch platters??... Well I, for one, am not falling for it...

I Have No Idea Why.

Youth Unemployment Hits Record High


(click to enlarge)


Well I wonder why these people are unemployed, we can go person by person here:
Candidate #1: Really? Leather jacket, modern muller and leopard-printed men's cap
Candidate #2: Designer shades just ta hide ya faces. (M. Posner: Cooler than Me)
Candidate #3: Skinny jeans and cowboy boots... freaking hipsters
Candidate #4: Old-school hitops are legit but you tongues out and undershirt-only look... sir...

Looks more like a casting call for Mad TV than a line of people should be employed.

Do You Have Milwaukee's Best on Tap?

First of all, I was WAY too close to this guy to be taking his picture with my phone that it is impossible to turn off the shutter sound on when taking said picture... But this is what I do for you people... I kept looking around for help when this 30ish year old guy came in to the bar, I felt like I needed to laugh, cry or hug him because this man is living the dream, well at least a dream... What you cannot see is that besides the man-mane he has, he is rocking a "Jesus Loves You" t-shirt" which has "But the rest of us think you're a douchebag" in small print underneath... Cherry on top was him throwing some oollllld school pick-up lines at the middle-aged bartender... I was speechless for the longest time, which almost never happens to me, until I finally came up with the perfect comment when I said to him "Dad?, is that you?"

Scene of the Crime

This is what's left of that house I referred to burning down yesterday... You have no idea how hard I had to find my inner demons not to take this crane thing on a joy ride terrorizing people all over town and picking up stray cats in the cup-thingy and launchy them at people who drive around in convertibles with their tops down but windows up.

It Aint About One Player

I'm a struggling bears fan, which is similar to being a recovering alcoholic... I had some good times a couple years ago but lately shit has sucked... I hated Rex Grossman, I do not like Jay Cutler, I really do not like Mike Martz; and even if they won the Superbowl this year I would be still be fed up with them... After watching this video off of the world wide web because I'm too cheap to buy HBO, I am ready to be a Jets fan... I can get on board with Rex Ryan, I could do without Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes but can get behind some David Harris, D'brickashaw Ferguson and (hopefully) Revis... Fuck it, after that speech I'm ready to go on the field and play for Rex Ryan, even though I'd spend from age 35 'til death in a wheelchair with some knawed up fingers and an ever-blinking eye.. J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets

Alright, You Win

So today has been interesting... I was late to work because a house that I drive by near work on my way into the office burnt down. The house was a ticking time bomb, the house had already been drooping and the bro's that live there spend all day everyday on their porch in jean shorts and old jerseys crushing keystone's... Then as I sit at my desk doing tantra breathing trying to stop myself from sweating from when I ran up the stairs trying to make up time... Then once I quelled the flow of sweat I got myself a cup of coffee cause I was so tired from tossing and turning all night, proceeded to sip it and burn my mouth while spilling it on myself... So now I'm sitting at my chair with a huge coffee stain that is drawing raised eyebrows cause these are dark colored pants... I'm about ready to chalk this day up as a loss and walk home, since at the rate I'm going I would probably get in a car accident.

Really?

Saw this gem on the road this morning... When I passed this car and this driver who looked like the last-man-out reject from the Jersey Shore casting call I wanted to pull him over, take him to the back of the car to stare at his outrageous spoiler and bring him back down to Earth, like when you tell a dumb child they can't realllly be President, and say to him "dude, it's a freaking Pontiac"... I'm sure this champ had a medium Fanta chilling in the cup holder...

Define: Inevitable

Well duh, they broke up... This relationship was done once the foul ball peaked coming towards them and he started moving away from her covering up... but how about the host absolutely calling this guy a pussy, "in normal human life if a foul ball comes your way, you know what men do? They stand up and they catch the foul ball. That's what men do."... Then this boy sits there with no negative response, I guess it hasn't sunk into his brain yet that he is done worse than Steve Bartmen... He can rove eharmony, match, jdate and craigslist and he will not find a woman the rest of his life... No woman whether she hates sports or loves sports puts down "looking for a guy who will put himself first when something comes flying at us rather than protecting me"... sweet straight brim hat though

Sing it Randy

Randy Newman, straight hating on short people... Angry about it? Grow up.

Reggie who?

This is incoming USC freshman running back Dillon Baxter, yeah he's ok... If Reggie got a house and Kim Kardashian, that means Dillon will get a yacht and a chick who actually has a talent, like Taylor Swift or Hannah Montana... Lane Kiffin already suspended your boy Dillon for the first game of the season, for "violating team rules," not to worry Trojan fans, with this kind of talent the only thing that would get him kicked off the team would involve Lane's wife, mother, a bucket of ice cubes and a nine iron.

While on the subject of Lane Kiffin's wife, USC will be fine after the sanctions because, as you can see from her picture below, Lane Kiffin can recruit his ass off.

Times is Tough

You know what country this video is in?... America... If the US changes into the next former-Soviet Union, I shotgun the name Vladamir.


The future looks bright as well, this photo below is not photoshopped, it's from outside a north carolina shcool.

86 Mark Schlereth, sub Alexandria

ESPN NFL analyst and former Denver Bronco Mark Schlereth has a daughter, Alexandria. I can't imagine where he's been hiding her for the last 20+ years, but she's out now. According to her Twitter page she's "A chick who loves sports and also does some acting. Also, Mark Schlereth's daughter" too bad her acting is limited to something called "MyNetworkTV" which is some FOX affiliate similar to the likes of WB and UPN. Hey Michael Bay, put this chick in Transformers 3.

Bent Like Beckham

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100812/sp_soccer_afp/fbleuro2012enghunbeckhamcapello

LONDON (AFP) – England manager Fabio Capello admitted he called time on David Beckham's international career on Wednesday without first breaking the bad news to the star.

Beckham was unable to play in the World Cup due to an Achilles injury suffered while on loan to AC Milan in March, but the LA Galaxy midfielder had hoped to return to England duty when he was fully fit.

The former Manchester United and Real Madrid star went to the World Cup as part of Capello's backroom staff but the Italian, speaking ahead of Wednesday's friendly against Hungary at Wembley, which England won 2-1 without Beckham, said there was no chance of a recall for the Euro 2012 qualifying campaign.

"I say thank you very much for helping me at the World Cup but probably he is a little bit old," Capello told ITV.

Say what you will about soccer but they know how to handle their aging super stars. I guess the only thing that would have been any more harsh would have been to tell ol' Becks that they were gonna take a ride down to the park but instead its a trip to the vet and its off to that great big soccer stadium in the sky. on the bright side, now Becks will have more time to spend with his ridiculously good looking wife and kids and maybe even make another Bollywood soccer movie.

Wait. Whats that you say? David Beckham is back with the LA Galaxy? In the MLS? Well I guess there are worse things out there... Sorry Becks.

Paris Hilton in a "Hairy" Situation

PUN INTENDED

http://www.monstersandcritics.com/people/news/article_1577086.php/Hair-extensions-firm-sues-Paris-Hilton-for-35m

Paris Hilton has been sued for $35 million by a disgruntled hair extension firm.

That's how much Hairtech International says it paid the socialite in 2007 to become the spokeswoman for its Dream Catcher line.

But despite the deal, it claims every time Hilton was photographed wearing hair extensions they were in fact ones by their competitors.

Now the firm is suing Hilton in the LA County Superior Court.

The firm says Hilton's repeated 'chemical abuse, illicit drug use, alcohol abuse as well as other (illegal) debaucheries' were 'contra' to its marketing campaign.

The firm also claims she breached her contract when she was jailed in June 2007 because her deal stipulated she'‘obey the law'.

And the firm says Hilton missed a Hairtech launch party because she was behind bars.

The firm alleges more than 600 hair extension professionals were supposed to be at the party and that Hilton not being there cost it $6.6 million in revenue.

Hilton’s representatives have not commented.

Blah Blah Blah. And let me just say that I am a huge Paris Hilton fan. And by huge, I mean I think she's hot and I have no problem with what she does. BUT... a contract is a contract, and Paris, my dear, you have to honor that. I mean, they paid you 35 million dollars. that's $35,000,000.00 to the illiterate. shit, for that much, I'll wear the hair extensions. i would just make sure there is a clause in the contract that states i can have it styled any way my little heart desires. I'll market it as the Melon Mullet. I'll sell it at Wal-mart. it would be the talk of the trailer park. hey Hairtech International, drop me an email (melonluvskittensxoxo@gmail.com) and we can crunch some numbers. but back to Paris. this is almost as bad as when Pepsi found out Brittney was drinking diet coke. although they saw her picture in a magazine holding the diet coke can; how did Hairtech International catch catch Paris? what makes their hair stand out among the rest?

well at least Paris has her music career bringing in the revenue...

and if that doesn't work, we all know the OTHER alternative...... ;)

Who does this X-Man Think He's Fooling?

http://www.thirdage.com/news/stephen-hawking-move-outer-space-avoid-extinction_8-11-2010

Stephen Hawking, British astrophysicist, says the human race must expand into outer space in the coming century or face possible extinction. The renowned scientist said he fears mankind is in great danger and its future "must be in space" if it is to survive, The Daily Telegraph reported Sunday.

War, resource depletion and overpopulation threaten the existence of the human race as never before, he said, advocating colonizing space to continue human existence.

"Our only chance of long-term survival is not to remain inward looking on planet Earth but to spread out into space," Hawking said.

"I see great dangers for the human race," Hawking said. "There have been a number of times in the past when its survival has been a question of touch and go. The Cuban missile crisis in 1963 was one of these. The frequency of such occasions is likely to increase in the future.

"But I'm an optimist," he said. "If we can avoid disaster for the next two centuries, our species should be safe, as we spread into space."

So Stephen Hawkings "says" we should move to space if we want to survive. I don't know who Professor X thinks he's fooling, but I doubt that will be happening any time in the next century. I mean lets face facts here, expand civilization to another planet? do you know how hard it is to fly to another country? now imagine trying to fly to another planet. how long is that flight gonna be while sitting next to the crying baby whose mother just lets it cry? and whats gonna happen we get to another planet, say, Mars? I think we all know how that one plays out...

Who You Got?

I received this video today from Winger in his attempt to get me out of my gaming chair with wireless surround sound and multiple cup holder for all my cans of pepsi and medium fantas. well it worked. and it got me thinking. which makes for better highlight reels. sick goals or sick takeaway checks and big hits?

John Grant Jr.

Mikey Powell

Then There's This Guy

(Click image for larger, more detailed view)

Saw this handsome fellow in the parking garage at Yankee Stadium. cruising around looking like macho man randy savage. only thing wrong here is this guy has conflicting images here. he's got that "I'm a rugged bad ass look" with the trimmed up beard and long flowing hair. but then you had some moose, a blow dryer and a big hoop ear ring and now your look is screaming "I'm a uppity NY asshole." and what kind of guy wears hoops that big?

Do Gay Guys Jerk Off to Stuff Like This?

Seriously though, do gay guys jerk off to stuff like this?... I don't know any gay guys that I would ask or I would... But do they just pop in a "great guy moment" highlight tape, kick back with a Schweppes Ginger Ale, listening to Boy George and take care of themselves to this stuff?... Videos of bros, just pal-ing around, hitting each other on the ass with golf clubs, taking puts with no shirts on from all fours... Or whatever this below is?... Because if these was some celebrity women, like the Golden Girls or something, I would 100% be pushing in the Bill Withers cassette tape and lowering that dimmer switch...

Those Damn Yankee Fans

We get it. The Yankees won a bunch of championships in the last 150 years of baseball. Good Job. But they are not that great. the people that need to realize this the most are the fans. new flash, just because you're a Yankees fan, that does not automatically make you great. stop acting like your shit don't stink. Yankee hats don't go with any clothing ensemble so stop wearing it with suits or sport jackets. oh, and give Joe Torre the credit he deserves.

The reason I bring up the Yankees and their fans is because this summer I've been to two games. that's two more then any other baseball team I've seen play in my life. while at my first Yankee game this summer I couldn't help but notice the row in front of me was one large group. 16 kids at a baseball game for one of the brat's birthday. I mean who does that? its not like it was the kids super sweet sixteen or even his bar mitzvah. he looked like he was 10 or 11. Take the kids to chuck e cheese or something.

Then, while at my second game, watching A-Rod sit on 599 like it was a egg waiting to hatch, i couldn't help but notice the couple next me continuously pulling food out of a seemingly bottomless bag. I mean I'm all for saving money and agree that $9 beers are a little over the top, but these people weren't smuggling fruit like a Mets fan might do. no they stepped their game up with $5 footlongs. Really? Hoagies and Grinders? And after all that effort to sneak it in to the ballpark, at least slow down and enjoy it.

what I miss?

I know it seems like my posts have been scarce lately, but unless you live under a rock, you know that Madden '11 came out this week and I've been doing everything in my power to do what Donovan couldn't... win a super bowl for my beloved eagles. That's the nice thing about being on a government funded sabbatical, i get to stay up all night crushing taco bell, KFC, and pepsi's all while playing one of the greatest football games to come out this summer. now if train my cats to poop in the toilet and take out the trash, I'd be in business.

Bab-y, Bab-y, Bab-y Ohhh

Step off JBieb, this is how a grown ass man dances.

Breaking News: God Hates Cats

Good luck clawing up my shit now, Sprinkles.

Don't Live Here No Mo'

http://phillysportsdaily.com/eagles/2010/08/11/fan-asked-to-take-off-redskins-mcnabb-jersey/

A fan wearing a Donovan McNabb No. 5 Redskins jersey was asked to remove it. The reason? The fan said the security guard told him Andy Reid took notice. The fan, 43-year-old Jim Devlin from King of Prussia, did not put up a fight when asked to take the jersey off, nor was he escorted from the practice field.


Johnny freaking Coolguy over here had to be that guy, well sometimes you lose the shirt off your back when you have to be that guy... You want to wear a Dunaven McNabb Redskins jersey then put on your put on your sundress and pig snout and drive down to Redskins camp with the rest of 'em... They always have great luck with high profile acquisitions.

Steve Carell Replacement on The Office

http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/08/10/the-office-danny-mcbride-rhys-darby/

Here is Danny McBride's recent work:


Here is Rhys Darby's recent work:


Danny, you're fucking out... Rhys bring that shit to Scranton.... But as a tribute to Danny, Instantly I regret saying that, it's just I'm fucking Winger and I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions... But no, I will not stop yelling because that will mean I would have lost the fight...

Pass this Post if you Hate Politics

Interesting.

Neva' Gonna Catch Me, Wastin' Ya Time... Try Again Next Year

How bad is this soccer team?... They are so slow they can't even catch the fucking ref, embarrassing...

Zach Galapagos

Note: You really have to have a dry sense of humor to enjoy this like I did.

Zach on Kimmel with Kids Say the Darn Funniest Things from Zach Galifianakis

What's your favorite mythological creature?

Gotcha bitch

This is what happens when you don't answer Melon's fan mail...

YES!

Now this is a freaking cat.

Something to Make the Monday Go By

Just remember, it could be worse... You could be this guy, married to him, or otherwise related to him...

P.S. Max Baer is my favorite.

Karma, right?

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2010/08/09/report-pet-food-a-salmonella-risk-for-kids/

NEW YORK (CBS 2) — For the first time, an FDA report has linked a salmonella outbreak in humans to dry pet food. As CBS 2′s Mary Calvi reports, many of those with the illness were young children.

Between 2006 and 2008, the outbreak sickened 79 people in 21 mostly eastern states. Nearly half of those victims were children two and under.




Hey parents, here's an idea for you. STOP TREATING YOUR KIDS LIKE ANIMALS. Damn, if you're not ready to have kids, then don't. Start small, get a gold fish. If that last longer then a week, then take a step up to a gerbil. But you can't just jump in the deep end and hope you know how to swim.

Johnny Sears "Gittin Funky" in Cincy

Even though Hank Williams Jr. didn't ask me if I was ready for some football, tonight marks the return of NFL football with a Preseason match up between the Dallas Cowboys and Batman & Robin, er, I mean, the Cincinnati Bangles. During the Cowboys first drive, I catch a glimpse of Sears on the sideline and can't help but think that I've seen that rookie some where before. but where?

I guess that's why Chad and Terrell went with the Batman & Robin nick name. Kid 'n' Play was already taken by Johnny Sears and Pacman Jones.

My Girl, Emma

This is some actress named Emma Thompson... Don't know what she looks like or who she is, but she is dead sexy for drinking her beer with her pinky out... My girl, keeping it classy.

Reporting "Accident"

MYTH... This reporter, 100% did this on purpose... First the reporter says "this is one of your prized possesions", prized possession? he said he has only been working on it for 8 hours, it's made of freaking ice and they're outside in shorts and t-shirts that shit was going to be done anyway... Then the reporter palms its head knocking it over, then he goes "esshhh, I am so sorry" and then he IMMEDIATELY puts the microphone in the guys face to get his reaction... the woman on the left hand side is laughing the whole time and what the hell is "management" going to do to "take care of this"... the reporter then rifles off the "anyway, with a smile on my face" line to the two anchors who have one-liners ready "Such a delicate touch David has"... You cannot fool me, internet.

Michael Irvin Wore Hall of Fame Blazer During Sex

Michael Irvin: “I remember when I was inducted into the Hall of Fame and they gave me my Hall of Fame yellow blazer. I wore it for two straight days. Finally my wife was in bed and said she wanted to make love but that I had to take the coat off. I refused and kept the blazer on because I wanted to perform like a Hall of Famer on the field and off.”


Well said Michael, only thing different now is substitute Viagra for the coke.

Melon Watch

Melon loves the movie "UP"... Melon=Tier 1... Ipso facto, this kid will be in Melon's basement SHORTLY.

Medium French-Vanilla Iced Coffee with a Spritz of Skim Milk, Please

Sure this lady drove her car into the Dunkin Donuts, but I'm sure her eyeliner looks FANTASTIC... Imagine how many people would have died if she had actually tried to parallel park.

Don't Call Me Chris

Jim Everett was done playing around, babyface Jim Rome... So think twice before you accept Shaq's challenge to a fight since you couldn't fucking handle Chris Everett.

Great Ad Placement

You couldn't script it any better than this...

Right under the FRS Healthy Energy question of "Tired being tired?" with a picture of a sweaty Lance Armstrong post workout/juicing session it should say "try doping"

Aloha, Oprah (Get it?)

So after I was able to quell the stream of tears rolling down my face from the life-altering news that Oprah's 25 season will be her last, I remembered that she had been in talks to develop her own cable CHANNEL, where she will have a primetime show "Oprah's Next Chapter"... Hazzah, she will still be there everyday to tell sappy followers what to do, what to read, and what to think.

GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO!

NSFW: Unless You're a Zoologist

Slow and steady wins the race

Come on Joe, That Aint Good Enough

Call me when Henderson starts taking fists to the face from somebody with at least one muscle... None of this scrawny white dude limp wristed slapping... No wonder the Jaguars suck

President Wyclef

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704017904575409933124357958.html?mod=WSJ_hps_editorsPicks_3

Wyclef Jean, the Grammy-winning hip-hop star, said on Wednesday that he is running for the presidency of Haiti.

All hail Presidente Jean... Let's just hope he doesn't get elected on a Friday.

Sold, If Only the Beer wasn't Horrible

Both these commercials really outdid their beers, if only these beers had been as good as their commercials and we wouldn't be drinking Budweiser, the beer that only pretends to be American (http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN1337955120080714)

Sneak Peek!!!: Jersey Shore Season 3

Fuck You Too, Cat

Waiting to see the rest of the video when the big cat gets hit... Fucking cats are so miserable they even hate baby animals wearing hats... Thus proving my point that Cats have no souls

Touche City of Cleveland, Touche

I like it... NOW, The best way for them to get their last final shot in at LeBron will be if they sell out the first game he plays with Miami at Cleveland, but nobody show up... Shows support for the home team but doesn't give the attention whore what he wants/needs...

The Interesting Part of Regular Season Baseball

Regular season is more than half over and therefore finally somewhat interesting... There is way too much holding guys back in fights, if you're going to act like you're about to fight someone you better do it... and what is Red Sox manager Terry Francona doing at the end, trying to fight the opposing team coach who was actually wearing a helmet while he was sitting on the bench, he obviously has enough problems as it is...

Melon's Next Drivers License Picture

Whatever You Say, Coach

Listen Charlie Weis, you better be Vince fucking Lombardi to try to pull off coaching from a damn rascal... Great way to meet a new team at training camp, show up in a sweatshirt with half of a Subway sandwich falling out of your mouth while you try to yell at them from a RASCAL... What, no drink holder on the armrest or mini-cooler tied onto the back to hold your miniature snickers (cause we all know that candy isn't bad for you if in miniature form)

Are You Fucking Serious?

So A-Rod hit number 600* today. Go Fuck Yourself A-Rod! Not even grown up words can express how pissed I am at this. I'm not pissed because I'm a A-Rod hater, I'm pissed because I hate New York. And not just the Yankees, the whole city. I hate everything about it. whether its the $30 train ride, the hastle of getting around, the over crowded streets, the fact that my GPS never works in the city, the last train leaves before last call, or simply the fact that everyone else thinks its the greatest city in the world. if its so great then why are there so many bums? The worst part about number 600 today, I WAS AT THE GAME LAST NIGHT! I took Mrs. Melons to the game last night because she loves the Yankees and, honestly, I wanted to see history in the making. But how did A-Rod follow Monday's 0-5 performance? with an 0-3 gem Tuesday in a lopsided loss to the Blue Jays. Even worst, in the 9th Texiera grounded out to end the game leaving A-Rod on deck. First at bat on Wednesday: Boom, number 600.

Before They Were Famous

Tina Fey pre-"fame"- 86 comedy, sub awkard hair cut..

Mutual Savings Bank - "Hi!" - Featuring Tina Fey from Purple Onion Films on Vimeo.

And here is Paul Rudd with the same hair cut, showing you how to work a 13 year olds bat mitzvah. How many days 'til P. Rudd makes another movie and what are the odds that it stars Jonah Hill having a bar mitzvah?

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

Growing Up Twisted

I recently caught an episode of "Growing Up Twisted" staring Twisted Sister's front man, Dee Snider, and his family. I'm not gonna lie, I am a fan of Twisted Sister, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why any one would watch this show. And then I watched it. The Snider children are your typical pampered rock star children. then there is his wife, Suzette, who could have her own reality show on her own. in the first episode they discuss ways to match the carpet to the drapes, much to the distaste of the children. you just can't write material that golden.

Brett Favre to Retire. Your Move Brad...

Three days in to August and the Favre circus rolls in to town. Today, ESPN breaks the news that Favre is set to retire, again, but everyone knows that it wont be official until week one.

On related news, Wrangler Jeans is looking for a new spokes person. I vote for Jared Allen

Breaking News: Lady Gaga is Batshit Crazy

(Insert sarcasm in title above)

Lady Gaga is on the cover of September issue of Vanity Fair, where she talks about sex, drinking, drugs, and obviously romance.

She explained that she is "quite celibate now", not having time to find relationships and stating that she doesn't really want to even have sex because she has "this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they're going to take my creativity from me through my vagina."... so rather than a dude propositioning her for sex and her saying she has a headache, she simply replies "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY CREATIVITY THROUGH MY VA JAY JAY?!?!"... Seems like a dealbreaker on both sides.

She went on to say that she doesn't really do drugs, just mostly cocaine, duh.