Melon's Next Drivers License Picture

Whatever You Say, Coach

Listen Charlie Weis, you better be Vince fucking Lombardi to try to pull off coaching from a damn rascal... Great way to meet a new team at training camp, show up in a sweatshirt with half of a Subway sandwich falling out of your mouth while you try to yell at them from a RASCAL... What, no drink holder on the armrest or mini-cooler tied onto the back to hold your miniature snickers (cause we all know that candy isn't bad for you if in miniature form)

Are You Fucking Serious?

So A-Rod hit number 600* today. Go Fuck Yourself A-Rod! Not even grown up words can express how pissed I am at this. I'm not pissed because I'm a A-Rod hater, I'm pissed because I hate New York. And not just the Yankees, the whole city. I hate everything about it. whether its the $30 train ride, the hastle of getting around, the over crowded streets, the fact that my GPS never works in the city, the last train leaves before last call, or simply the fact that everyone else thinks its the greatest city in the world. if its so great then why are there so many bums? The worst part about number 600 today, I WAS AT THE GAME LAST NIGHT! I took Mrs. Melons to the game last night because she loves the Yankees and, honestly, I wanted to see history in the making. But how did A-Rod follow Monday's 0-5 performance? with an 0-3 gem Tuesday in a lopsided loss to the Blue Jays. Even worst, in the 9th Texiera grounded out to end the game leaving A-Rod on deck. First at bat on Wednesday: Boom, number 600.

Before They Were Famous

Tina Fey pre-"fame"- 86 comedy, sub awkard hair cut..

Mutual Savings Bank - "Hi!" - Featuring Tina Fey from Purple Onion Films on Vimeo.

And here is Paul Rudd with the same hair cut, showing you how to work a 13 year olds bat mitzvah. How many days 'til P. Rudd makes another movie and what are the odds that it stars Jonah Hill having a bar mitzvah?

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

Growing Up Twisted

I recently caught an episode of "Growing Up Twisted" staring Twisted Sister's front man, Dee Snider, and his family. I'm not gonna lie, I am a fan of Twisted Sister, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why any one would watch this show. And then I watched it. The Snider children are your typical pampered rock star children. then there is his wife, Suzette, who could have her own reality show on her own. in the first episode they discuss ways to match the carpet to the drapes, much to the distaste of the children. you just can't write material that golden.

Brett Favre to Retire. Your Move Brad...

Three days in to August and the Favre circus rolls in to town. Today, ESPN breaks the news that Favre is set to retire, again, but everyone knows that it wont be official until week one.

On related news, Wrangler Jeans is looking for a new spokes person. I vote for Jared Allen

Breaking News: Lady Gaga is Batshit Crazy

(Insert sarcasm in title above)

Lady Gaga is on the cover of September issue of Vanity Fair, where she talks about sex, drinking, drugs, and obviously romance.

She explained that she is "quite celibate now", not having time to find relationships and stating that she doesn't really want to even have sex because she has "this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they're going to take my creativity from me through my vagina."... so rather than a dude propositioning her for sex and her saying she has a headache, she simply replies "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY CREATIVITY THROUGH MY VA JAY JAY?!?!"... Seems like a dealbreaker on both sides.

She went on to say that she doesn't really do drugs, just mostly cocaine, duh.